JV vs. Varsity Football: The Lesson I Never Expected to Learn

When my son first started playing football, I assumed the goal was simple: work hard, improve, earn playing time, and eventually make it to Varsity.

What I didn't realize was that some of the biggest lessons in football happen when things don't go according to plan. Don't get me wrong, Evan, was chosen as one of a handful of Freshman players to work the sidelines for the Varsity team- holding up play signs, carrying equipment, handing out water at every break in the action. This in itself gave him access and a firsthand opportunity to see plays work and hear coaches feedback. Junior year, though, was a rough one.

As football moms, we spend years driving to practices, washing uniforms, attending camps, paying for equipment, and cheering from the stands. We watch our sons invest countless hours into a game they love. Naturally, we want to see that hard work rewarded.

Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it isn't.

And that's where the real journey begins.

JV and Varsity Are Not the Same Thing

One thing I've learned is that JV and Varsity serve very different purposes.

JV is where players develop. It's where they learn the speed of the game, gain confidence, make mistakes, and figure out who they are as football players.

Varsity is different.

Varsity is competitive. Coaches are trying to put the best eleven players on the field in every situation. The margin for error is smaller, the game is faster, and every decision carries more weight.

As parents, it's easy to see JV as a stepping stone and Varsity as the destination. But I've learned that every season has value, regardless of the level. And trust me, it was one of the most frustrating and difficult lessons to learn.

More Playing Time Isn't Always a Bad Thing

One of the hardest things for parents to accept is that more playing time on JV can sometimes be better for development than standing on the Varsity sideline.

I know that's not what most players want to hear.

I know it's not what most parents want to hear either.

But football is a game that requires repetition. Players improve by getting meaningful reps, making mistakes, adjusting, and learning from experience.

Development happens on the field.

Confidence happens on the field.

Growth happens on the field.

Sometimes the best thing for a player's future is getting those opportunities, even if they're not happening under Friday night lights.

The Hardest Seat in the Stadium

Can we talk honestly for a minute?

One of the hardest things I've experienced as a football mom is watching my son stand on the sideline.

Not because he wasn't good enough.

Not because he wasn't working hard.

But because I knew how much he cared.

There's a helpless feeling that comes with sitting in the stands, watching the game unfold, and knowing your child desperately wants an opportunity.

You want to fix it.

You want to advocate.

You want to explain why he deserves a chance.

But football has taught me something important:

My job is not to manage the depth chart.

My job is to support my son.

That's not always easy.

In fact, sometimes it's incredibly hard.

Our Kids Are Watching Us

What took me a while to realize is that when our sons face disappointment, they're paying attention to how we respond.

Do we criticize coaches?

Do we complain in the parking lot?

Do we spend the ride home talking about who should have played?

Or do we help them focus on what they can control?

Football provides an incredible opportunity to teach resilience.

Life won't always be fair.

Promotions won't always happen when we think they should.

Opportunities won't always come when we expect them.

Learning how to handle disappointment with maturity is a life skill that extends far beyond football. And, it's okay to give yourself grace, when you slip and don't always handle things perfectly. They need to see we are human too and we can recover with resilience.

Managing Expectations

One of the greatest gifts we can give our athletes is helping them separate effort from outcome.

Hard work matters.

Attitude matters.

Preparation matters.

But football doesn't always provide immediate rewards.

Sometimes growth is happening behind the scenes.

Sometimes coaches see development before players do.

Sometimes opportunities arrive months—or even years—later than expected.

I've watched athletes who barely saw the field as sophomores become key contributors as seniors.

I've also watched players who were stars early struggle when they stopped developing.

Football journeys are rarely linear.

What Your Son Needs Most

After a tough game, your son doesn't need another coach.

He doesn't need a breakdown of every decision that was made.

He doesn't need to hear what should have happened.

He needs a parent.

He needs someone who loves him regardless of how many snaps he played.

Some nights that means listening and not speaking.

Some nights it means grabbing food after the game and talking about everything except football.

Some nights it means simply reminding him that his value isn't tied to a jersey, a position, or a spot on a depth chart.

The Bigger Win

Years from now, most of our sons won't remember every game.

They won't remember every statistic.

They won't remember every depth chart.

What they'll remember is how they handled adversity.

They'll remember the friendships.

They'll remember the lessons.

They'll remember the people who stood beside them when things were difficult.

As football moms, we celebrate the touchdowns, the sacks, the interceptions, and the wins.

But some of the most important moments happen quietly.

They happen when our sons learn patience.

They happen when they learn perseverance.

They happen when they keep showing up, even when things aren't going their way.

And maybe that's the lesson JV and Varsity football are really teaching all of us.

Success isn't just about where you are today.

It's about who you're becoming along the way. And somehow, they are observing and listening. When I was writing this post, Evan wandered in my office so I told him. His contribution, "Don't sweat it, it's just football." The student has become the teacher.....

— Donna

Cleats & Coffee | Football Mom Life, One Season at a Time